Okay, this is actually what you do if you’re being sexually harassed in any kind of public space. Draw attention to it, preferably pull away and let EVERYONE know that someone is touching you. This will not only get him to get off you but he’ll definitely think about this situation next time he wants to do something like this.
Spreading the word.
My mom and I were talking about this today after hearing about a woman who was molested on a plane who said nothing until she was picked up at the airport by her parents. My mom looked at me and asked what I would do in that situation and I looked her dead in the eye and I told her “it would take me .02 seconds to realize what was going on and yell angrily, and then I would be straight on to bitch slapping him so hard he wouldn’t be able to see the punch I’d throw with the opposite hand”.
She nodded and accepted my salty language like a seasoned sailor.
I’ve had experience with this before, in Prague a group of five girls and I were followed by three men at night. After a while they started yelling at us, the most common being “how much?” Meaning how much we “cost” as prostitutes. Seeing as they weren’t going to stop, I turned on my heel, faced them (which surprised them), spat at their feet and responded with “You couldn’t afford me.” This prompted the other girls to start yelling back at them as well, starting with our spitfire Czech friend to start slinging curses in Czech as she and the rest of the girls came up beside me. Needless to say the men backed off and pretty much fled. They weren’t expecting a fight. It empowered me and encouraged the rest of the girls to yell back too.
I’ve heard that a lot of people don’t know what to do in this situation because they’ve been taught all their lives to be polite and non-aggressive. Keep your heads down or whatever.
Keep in mind that studies have shown that rapists look for victims who won’t fight back.
Remember that nobody has the right to touch you without your consent or harass you, and you have all the right to make the biggest fuss about it that you can possibly make.
Get angry. Be in command.
ok like this is great if you have the ability to do this and it’s safe to but sometimes it’s not ok? and some of us just don’t have the energy to do this kind of stuff. like i would be afraid to argue back with those men because it might escalate and make things worse. and that line about rapists targeting people that fight back is really borderline victim blaming because you’re acting like aggressive women who fight back don’t get raped when that is NOT true, sometimes men will rape aggressive women JUST to put them in their place. sometimes, if you don’t make a fuss, it’s safer.
at the end of the day this is not women’s fault. this is not the victim’s fault. this is patriarchy. this is men making violence against us a constant reality. there’s tons of ways to cope with this violence: try to get away, fight back, freeze and hope it’s over soon, call it out, etc etc and ALL of them are valid. depending on the situation, any one of those could save your life or save you from further harm but if it does it’s BECAUSE you are lucky not because you are “savvy” or “feminist” enough to not get it as bad as those other women/girls.
Like I am all for calling men off and asserting your boundaries- but sometimes it’s not possible or even safe to do so. And you’re acting like it’s a piece of cake to undo years and years of socialization to not be in command and to acquiesce just by reading one fucking tumblr post. I might know in theory that men who refuse to move out of my way on the street or who spread their legs on the bus are dicks and I have a right to lash out at them, but oftentimes I do nothing or I even apologize to THEM for nearly walking into me. Some days I curse under my breath or move my legs as wide as I can to assert my space. Some days I yell. Some days I keep my head down. Some days I acquiesce. We do what we do to survive. Our options are different, our backgrounds are different and we face different situations. We are up against years of socialization, and a whole society that will demonize us for yelling at that man in self-defense and back him up for violating us. Do not ignore what we are up against. Do not ignore that most women are doing all they can in these situations for self preservation.
Reblogging for that last commentary.
Full families challenge US-Mexico border with mass reentry
March 11, 2014
Any day now, President Obama, whom immigrant groups call the “deporter in chief,” will make history by surpassing the two million mark — separating two million families through deportation during the course of his administration’s five-year reign.
In response, migrant families are making history of their own.
On March 10, 250 migrants, who have lived in the United States most of their lives, attempted to reenter the country after being deported. Many entire families are returning, while others are coming to rejoin family members still living in the United States. The group is chanting “undocumented and unafraid” as they cross through the U.S. portal that separates Tijuana from San Diego. This action, part of the #not1more campaign, marks the third mass border crossing organized by the National Immigrant Youth Alliance. The action comes as immigrant justice groups are increasingly moving beyond advocating for legislative reform and are instead turning to direct action to protest the record deportations. The group says that these actions are calling attention to the immigration crisis and the way millions of families are separated by an arbitrary boarder.
Last year, 150,000 U.S.- born children were separated from at least one parent. The majority were under the age of 10. One of these stories is that of Manuel, who spent 10 years living in Ohio with his U.S.-born children and wife. According to the National Immigrant Youth Alliance’s Facebook page, “Manuel was placed in deportation proceedings after he hired an immigration attorney who he later found out was a fraud.”
All 250 families participating in yesterday’s action have lived in the United States for a large portion of their lives, creating homes and community in this country.
you have the right to fight back
you have the right to stay still and quiet
you have the right to yell
you have the right to cry
you have the right to beg him to stop
you have the right to bargain
you have the right to pretend to enjoy it with the hope of less…
Uh…… you mean like this?
bell hooks, Feminist Theory, From Margin To Center
“Les femmes qui lisent des romans d’amour sont encouragées à accepter l’idée que la violence augmente et intensifie le plaisir sexuel. Elles sont aussi encouragées à croire que la violence est un signe de virilité et une preuve d’affection masculine, que le degré de violence dans la colère d’un homme correspond à l’intensité de son affection et de son amour. En conséquence, les lectrices apprennent que l’acceptation passive de la violence est essentielle si elles souhaitent recevoir en récompense amour et affection. C’est souvent le cas dans leur vie. Les femmes acceptent parfois la violence dans leurs relations intimes, qu’elles soient hétérosexuelles ou lesbiennes, parce qu’elles ne souhaitent pas faire une croix sur l’affection. Elles pensent qu’endurer l’abus est le prix à payer. Elles savent qu’elles peuvent vivre sans violence ; elles ne pensent pas pouvoir vivre sans affection.”
You are in everything. 99 percent of Hollywood movies feature your faces. 99 percent of magazine covers are covered in you. The Emmy Awards and Oscars are almost entirely you. If you Google “beautiful people” the screen is covered in white faces. Black girls (and boys) are taught from birth that there is one version of beauty, and it is you. Many black girls go their entire lives thinking they are ugly, thinking they need to be lighter, straighter, whiter in order to have value. Everything that you see every day that reaffirms your whiteness; every commercial that has a nice white lady embodying the perfect “mom;” every magazine that has blue eyes and bone-straight hair; every Hollywood blockbuster that has a leading lady with skin never darker than Halle Berry… all of these things are reinforcements of your identity that you take for granted.
You may be fat. You may have hair that curls up at the ends. You may even have acne. But your face is everywhere. Your people are everywhere. What in your heart recoils when you see Black Girls Rock? What bone in your body sees empowerment for black girls and thinks “that’s not fair”? Where is your bitterness rooted? What do you think has been taken from you when women of color are uplifted?
All of the things you take for granted are what you’re protecting when you shout down Black Girls Rock: your whiteness, the system that upholds your face as the supreme standard of beauty, your place in the center of a culture that demands people of color remain hidden in the margins, present but only barely and never overshadowing the white hero/heroine. Your discomfort with black girls who rock tells me that you prefer the status quo: you prefer for black faces to remain hidden, you prefer for America’s heroes to have white faces, you prefer for black actresses to wear aprons and chains.
Happy Galentine’s Day! 5 talks to help you celebrate the ladies in your life:
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, the day we all love to love (or) hate, where we get to smother our loved ones with praise, adoration, and heart-shaped chocolates.
But today, today is Galentine’s Day, the day created by the fictitious Leslie Knope of the television show Parks and Recreation for women to honor the women in their life.
“What’s Galentine’s Day? Oh, it’s only the best day of the year. Every February 13th, my lady friends and I leave our husbands and our boyfriends at home, and we just come and kick it, breakfast-style. Ladies celebrate ladies.”
Here at TEDx we’re no strangers to the myriad of contributions smart, savvy, and super awesome women are contributing to the modern world, and we’ve got some talks to prove it.
So, in honor of Galentine’s Day, and hard-working, butt-kicking ladies everywhere, 5 TEDx Talks that Leslie Knope would be proud of:
Shabana Basij-Rasikh: Dare to educate Afghan girls
In this talk at TEDxWomen 2012, Shabana Basij-Rasikh discusses how she and her sister risked their lives by going to a secret school after the Taliban outlawed school for girls in Afghanistan. Hers is a talk that will make you feel privileged to even have a chance to watch classmates throw spitballs in geometry class. A must-watch for anyone — male or female — who’s ever not wanted to get up and go to school.
Soap saves: Renée Botta at TEDxDUChange
Renée Botta works in improving sanitation measures in slums in Nairobi. When she learned of a woman in a neighboring slum making homemade soap, she thought the process would be a good way for community members to get involved in improving local sanitation — until she met Helen — a single mother who decided to not only make this special soap herself, but also to sell it, as a way to become financially independent and take her health, her family’s, and her community’s into her own hands.
A teen still just figuring it out: Tavi Gevinson at TEDxTeen
In this talk, 15-year-old Tavi Gevinson, the editor of Rookie magazine, discusses modern media’s portrayal of women, and her struggle to find portrayals of women that actually resemble real women she knows. When she looked at media representations of teen girls, she ran into the same dead ends, she says, so she decided to take matters into her own hands, and create a space where the content was not just aimed at teenage girls, but made by teenage girls as well.
I’m an astronaut … and a woman: Nicole Stott at TEDxSugarLand
In this inspiring talk from TEDxSugarLand, astronaut Nicole Stott tells her story of becoming an aeronautical engineer and going into space, drawing inspiration from the women who came before her. “I was usually the only girl in my [classes],” she says in her talk, “but I never really noticed it. I never noticed it unless somebody else pointed it out to me. And I think that’s because I was studying something I loved to do, and all the people around me were studying something they love to do as well.”
Why you fear math: Laura Overdeck at TEDxWestVillageWomen
In this talk, mathematician Laura Overdeck explains how adults reinforce the stereotype that boys are naturally better at math and science than girls. “If you give men and women a quiz with math,” she says, “and for some of them, at the beginning they’re asked to check off their gender … the women who have on their test [the question] asking them to check off their gender, do worse than the women who didn’t have that question. Just being reminded that you’re female makes you do worse on a math test.” She has ideas to change this — just watch.
Bonus: TEDWomen talks from Ms. Knope’s heroes, Madeleine Albright and Hillary Clinton:
- Madeleine Albright: On being a woman and a diplomat
- Hillary Clinton’s surprise TEDWomen talk on empowering women and girls
Photo via Salon.
We’re revisiting this playlist from last year, because it is once again Galentine’s Day, and like our friends at smartgirlsattheparty, we want to celebrate.